TEMPORARY

I've probably written about this a billion times but I'm gonna do it again because I'm struggling with it again. In the last month I've flown six times and been in multiples cities and just felt like I've never sat down and it's driving me nuts.

But hey, this is the life of someone on their third year abroad right? This is what we're meant to get ridiculous thrills out of, being on a different plane every day and never stopping and go go go. I can't cope man. I am very much a stay stay stay kind of chica. 

It's really weird that right now Spain is the only place I have a room that is just mine. And I'm leaving it in 6 weeks. At home my bedroom was essentially taken away when I moved to Norwich in 2012. When I visit my pals in Norwich I sleep on a sofa. Spain has always felt temporary thanks to the looming countdown. 

I guess it's just hard because I feel very unsettled and I don't know when I'll feel settled again. I have the summer hovering around Cramlington trying to figure out something to do before going back to Norwich for my final year at uni which although I am looking forward to 4789495%, it's still going to feel so so so weird because the majority of people that are my "uni people" will have graduated and buggered off and I will probs never see ever again. So there's that.  

Also feeling 564875684 waves of inner turmoil when I think of my next (and final) trip back to England before the end of my year abroad. In three weeks I'll be back in Norwich for a whole week. And then I only have two and a half weeks left of living in Spain. And I don't know how to feel. Obviously I'm really excited because Big Weekend and seeing my pals and actually getting to spend a significant amount of time with them but then I don't knoooooow. Isn't it a bit ridiculous to spend a week in England when I have no time left here? Also v scared to say goodbye to my pals. This is definitely ridiculous. I have considered not going to see them for one last time because I'm scared of having to say goodbye and having my heart broken. So so so daft. But I can't help it.

I had a little breakdown today and it's so stupid. Like I have the worst like first world shittiest problems to deal with, why am I getting upset about this? Like oh boohoo poor me I have friends who want to see me and I get to go home and spend a week with them in a city I love but that means I have to leave Spain. IT'S SO STUPID. 

I think the problem is that I've not really had any time in my own mind for a week. Like obviously I'd prefer to live with my friends but not having done it for so long has sent me a bit nuts. Also haven't meditated or ran since last Wednesday. I really should do that. Except my earphones are broken because I got sand in them so I'm not sure if I can still meditate properly in silence, or go running without my earphones. UGH STOP WHINGING KATY JUST GET ON WITH IT. I'm so annoying. Why am I writing this down?

Basically just having a mini meltdown about my life and how I don't live anywhere and I'm doing a pointless degree and I don't know where my life is going and I've wasted a year and my UEA friends are all about to graduate and leave me and my erasmus friends are all going back to their real unis and leaving me and I can't cope because nothing stays the same and I'm going mad.

Gonna go stop whinging and try and calm my brain down. I don't know.