CRAVING A MASSIVE CHANGE

First of all I have to say a massive thank you for the response to my last post about being ghosted by a guy on tinder - I really didn't expect it to do so well and so the fact it's become my second most viewed post so far is amazing. Your supportive comments were so appreciated. Just to clarify, I waited a while before publishing that post so I wasn't as like... broken as it seemed. I waited until I had processed everything and was ready so don't worry, I'm totally fine! Anyway, on to today's slice of fun. 

There are people who don't deal well with change, but I'm not one of them. Okay, yeah, I need routine to function properly and changes can disrupt that somewhat but I seem to cope quite well with big life changes - I took myself off to university in Norwich, and then Spain, and back to Norwich again. I finished university and moved to Lanzarote to start a job in nothing I'd ever done before. I decided to apply for a masters degree, not as the easier option of my old university where I had an unconditional offer and guaranteed fee discount, but at one of the most prestigious universities in the world. I'm not afraid of either the challenge or the changes that come with doing something new. It's something that actually makes me really proud of myself, because I was never that person when I was younger, and to be fair, doesn't make a lot of sense with who I am now.

I am a sufferer of depression who is riddled with anxiety most days - I'm scared of making phone calls and being late and meeting new people. I'm worried about learning to drive and opening up to people and dying alone. But moving to a new country? No biggie. Flying on a plane on my own over twenty times in one year? Easy. Starting my fifth year at uni? No sweat pal.

I realise that all of this is quite contradictory because meeting new people makes me nervous but I also tend to be quite good at it. I'm friendly and open and let's face it, a little bit gobby and will talk to anyone on the off chance they'll be my friend. Despite being a person who doesn't like parties or clubs or crows, I'm actually an introvert. I don't get my energy from big groups of people, but I do get it from people. Being alone does not recharge my batteries - not all of the time anyway. I like to spend time with good pals one on one and it makes me feel so much better about life in general and way less depressed. I took the "love languages" test the other day, which basically finds the way you express and understand love and for me, what works is quality time and words of affection.

Quality time shows me that you value me and are willing to sacrifice your spare hours to do stuff with me, whether that be out for dinner or at the beach or just sitting in the same room doing nothing. Then words of affection  - there's a reason I enjoy blogging and social media so much. It's all words. I understand how words get through to people and can make them feel things. Lol, so eloquent. I used the phrase "make them feel things". Terrible writing. Oh well.

Anyway, this post took a turn, as they often tend to. I started writing this because I am craving a massive change (as the title suggests). I think it's because I haven't moved house in a while and I know that I won't for a while either. I feel stagnant. I know a massive change is coming when I start at Durham but that's still a few weeks away and it doesn't feel like it's enough. The only other things I can think of are a haircut, tattoo or piercing. It's like I need something immediate and visible, but that feels both risky and superficial. And permanent, at least with a tattoo. It's difficult to think of what else I can do to quench this desire of needing something to be different - I'm trying to change the way I look but Lord knows that's going to take me a while. 

Maybe I could take up a hobby? But I can't even think of anything. Please offer me hobby ideas. I'm also trying to convince my parents to let is get a dog - it's a life change, offers a hobby and new activities we can all do together. And also I just really really really want a dog because they're cute and fluffy and I have love to give so please ma, let us get Monty. Please please please.

There's also the possibility of getting a part time job but I actually enjoy the job I have now. Well not the job itself but the people in the office and the bants and the weekly pay day. I want to keep it for as long as possible and my life is about to get a whole lot busier. And jobs are difficult to get.

I'm just not sure what to do so if anyone could suggest something I could do or change then please do let me know because I am drowning in his overwhelming need to change everything and if I don't find something I'm going to end up either cutting off all my hair or jacking in Durham to move to Argentina in search of adventure. 

HELP ME

KB xo