To be honest, I felt so perpetually single for a long long time that trying a long distance relationship wasn't really on my radar. All I wanted was a few nice dates and some flirty banter every once in a while. I'd had long distance whatsapp flirty pals and various Snapchat boys and ridiculous Tinder chats. But in the last year I finally came into my own, dating wise. It was like waiting for a bus - you wait for ages and then several show up at once. The most surprising thing of all was me actually going outside to meet a real person off the internet!! Got in trouble with my parents for being "irresponsible" and all that but I'll not bring that up, we're only just back to being in a good place...
Anyway, I never planned on being in an LDR - shorthand for those of us in this rubbishness. I always said I would struggle and I'm too tactile and too needy and couldn't cope. Those things are true; I'd probably be like that if the person lived next door but people have their own lives and they must be lived. But then Simon wandered into my life and turned everything upside down and here we are. With the distance, I do struggle and I do miss cuddles and I am needy and require as much attention and reassurance as possible. But it's okay. We cope and make it work and I thank all of the deities everyday that we live in the 21st century where Whatsapp and FaceTime and Instagram and air travel and trains and megabuses exist. I do not know how people did it in the olden times and I do not know how people do it in conflicting time zones. Well, no. I do. It's out of love. I know it's cheesy and disgusting but I never really understood the power of it until I felt it.
I think it helps with us that we began long distance. Had we had a period of time together properly together then had to leave it might have killed me. Knowing that there is an end goal where we will live in the same place keeps everything going. Long distance is hard but the thought of life without him at all is heartbreaking. Which is scary. I've never been in a position where losing one particular person would mess my life up. Fam will always be there. Good friends don't need to see each other or speak every day to stay friends. But relationships are different. Since April 22nd not a day has gone by we've not spoken to each other which is utter madness. Some of those days are just a few texts but I think it's needed, especially in an LDR. It's important to be present in each other's lives when you can't be physically present. Effort is required. Though most of the effort on my part is restraining myself from sending 10 texts an hour. You know what's annoying? Simon's office gets no signal. Zip, nada, zero. So he gets out of work and I destroy his phone with the meanderings I've sent him throughout the day. Soz babe.
It will probably be cheaper and easier to get to each other - four hours on a plane then a train journey, or being picked up from the airport, is way easier than a 9 hour megabus or a £150 train ticket from Newcastle that would take me through London. I'll actually have an income which will help matters a loooooot. And it's only nine months. And then we don't know but that's a thing for future Katy to stress about. Anyway, I am not worried about me being in Lanzarote changing things because Ryanair got me home for €8 once. Spur of the moment will probably be way easier. Also, when he visits me I can pretty much guarantee sunshine, the same cannot be said for my glorious Northumberland.
Contrary to popular belief, there are a few positives to long distance relationships. It helps you maintain your own life without merging into one identity which happens to a lot of couples. For two very independent souls like Simon and myself, this has helped a lot. I think it's important to have your alone time to look after your mental health, to see your friends, to do things separately. If things went wrong (which pls lawd do not let happen) having to untangle our lives from each other would be very very difficult if the only friendships we had were shared, if all our hobbies were the same, if we didn't know how to live without each other.
LDRs promote healthy communication and honesty. There is no room for harbouring grudges and bad feelings because they will fester and stew and tear you apart. I have been very very honest when I'm feeling insecure or struggling and if I had waited until we were physically together it would have ruined things.
I also think they make the honeymoon period last a lot longer. It makes everything that little more romantic and special when you're together or on the phone or see something that reminds you of each other. When he was up last weekend and we went to the pub my friend had to tell me to stop touching him - all innocent, just holding his hand or playing with his hair or ears. It's all subconscious and I never realise I'm doing it. It's like I can't believe he's real and is there and isn't on the screen and everything is magical and lovey dovey and feels like it did that first week we fell for each other (vom). There's that whole "absence makes the heart grow fonder" bollocks which has turned out to be true.
The fact we're long distance makes it feel more serious, if you get what I mean? Like, this is not some dalliance or flirty bants or short-term thing. Family please don't read this sentence but it's not just sex. Like, we are in luuuuuurve. (Yack). You have to be 100% committed to each other to make it work and both be in it for the long haul and knowing this whole this is very secure helps a lot.
I know we've only been together for about five months but we've amassed some tips and techniques in that time so I think it could be beneficial to share them for anyone about to embark on this shitshow.
1) FaceTime is your best friend. Or Skype, or Facebook video call, or whatever. We are both Apple wankers so FaceTime it is. Seeing his little face adds a little extra something that just an audio call doesn't have. We watch Netflix together on FT - he plays it on his TV with the volume up and the subtitles on and holds me up so I can see and it works without us needing to click play at exactly the same time. We can eat dinner together, or could if he didn't eat like a nutcase at 11pm when I'm ready to sleep.
2) Switch it up sometimes. If you always talk on Whatsapp, send a lengthy email one day or write a letter and put it in the post. Admittedly, I am the letter writer in this situation but it's quite cute because he opens them on FaceTime and I get to watch his reaction as he reads it.
3) Meet in the middle. We had the best weekend in Liverpool visiting my best friend Hollie and her love Ash in Scouseland and it was pretty perfect because our travel time was about equal. You get to be somewhere new together and both get the adventure of seeing each other and it feels like a little holiday.
4) Look after yourself. This shit is hard and can be very painful when you just can't get a hold of your boo. Learn to trust yourself and your gut and that it will be okay. Take the time you can't be together to think about yourself instead of obsessively thinking about what they're doing without you.
5) VOICE NOTES. Cannot sing the praises of voice notes enough. You get to hear their voice if they can't get to the phone which can be very comforting, for me at least.
6) Talk about the ridiculous stuff not just the serious. Yes we have a lot of serious conversations about life and the future and feelings but we also talk about Vines and Pingu and what we've had for dinner. Send stupid memes and photos of stuff you've seen and links to daft articles or youtube videos. The other day I was sent a video of a hippo doing a poo. If that's not love I don't know what is.
Yous have just got to enjoy the love you have going on. The distance will not be forever (hopefully) and it'll be time to be together before you know it. We're currently sitting on a timescale of 60 days before we see each other in person again (if the silly boy books his bloody flights. Babe if you're reading this, I'm not talking to you until you forward me the booking confirmation). Should have put threats as tip number 8, eh?
All in all I am very very happy with the relationship I'm in and the fact we are long distance is just a part of that. It doesn't have to be the defining part. Simon is so busy that even if he did live up here I'd hardly see the bugger anyway. He's deleted half his messaging apps just so his many friends and admirers can't contact him. I've never seen notification badges like his. Must be shit to be so loved. I digress. I hope this has helped or amused or enlightened someone reading this. It helps me to write it. I am definitely one for the old writing as therapy gambit.
Please give me ideas of what to blog about. I am free for the next two weeks before I move and then once I do I'm working twelve hours a week. Chica got time. PS the love I got for my last post on Facebook was amazing. I promise I won't sell myself as short next time. I do actually believe in my language skills and would probably make a decent teacher if I had it in my heart to be one. But I don't. Soz UK education system, you will not be able to hire me.
Hasta la próxima mes petits filous
KB
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